Saturday, January 5, 2008

Skull Imploders 2 - 1 Soft Green Felt

Soft Green Felt (coached by dwarfrunner) were looking to deal out a good trashing against the little Goblins of Skull Imploders (coached by Cramy). The weather was nice, and the Elves were feeling confident, we shall see if they have the power to back it up.
SGF wins the coin toss and opts to receive, and the game is underway. SGF makes a couple of blocks at the line of scrimmage, a blitz in the wide zone and follow up with the rest of the team flooding the backfield. One of the linelves in the backfield picks up the ball and moves up the field, but still staying far enough away to not get blitzed. The elves take their time, dancing around while the goblins try to slow them down, hurt them, or do something. Finally, Rintu dodges from some elves to try and get to the ball carrier and falls over and dies. The rest of the team barely notices, and the elves laugh at the patheticness of goblins as they dance into the endzone. The goblins catch the kick-off and run towards the nearest troll, hoping to get thrown somewhere safe or in the endzone. Toad picks up Annil and hucks him towards the endzone, but the goblin crashes on the landing dropping the ball. The elves laugh again at the ineptness of the goblins and prepare to go back to pick up the ball for another long pass and a touchdown. Except one of the linelves trips doing a simple dodge, ending their turn, that's not like them. Annil gets back up and picks up the ball and scores. The goblins tie the score 1-1 late in the first half. The elves laugh off the touchdown, thinking they will get a quick touchdown to get the back in the lead. The elves do the same thing as their first drive, positioning themselves so a player is protected by the rest of the team, ready to receive the long pass and score another touchdown. Except that the linelf that has the ball, muffs the pass and the ball bounces harmlessly to the ground, that's not good. The goblins pick up the ball, but the elves manage to stop them from trying to throw another goblin for a touchdown.
The goblins receive in the second half, and the elves are now showing signs of concern, things are not going well. To make things worse, Dizzy the Fanatic has the best game in the history of goblin fanatics. He manages to block someone almost every turn of the second half. The sight of elves flying everywhere was horrifying, eventually hurting one elf and forcing him to miss the next game. Things could have been much worse, but we spoke to soon. The remainder of the game is the goblins walking down the field unhindered and the elves helplessly trying to stop them, unsuccessfully. To try and describe what happened to SGF is impossible, words can not describe it. Things went from bad to worse for SGF. First a failed dodge, then a failed block, then another failed dodge, and another, then a failed leap, then another failed dodge. All the while the Goblins are laughing hysterically at the elves, watching the elves helplessly try to do something, anything. In the end, the elves could do nothing, the gods decided to teach them some humility as the goblins walked into the endzone on turn 16 to win the game 2-1. And with that, the elves are left to wonder what the F%^&ING HELL HAPPENED!?!?!?!
To make things worse, the Skull Imploders won 80,000gp while Soft Green Felt only won 10,000gp. Rest assured something smells fishy, and SGF will get to the bottom of it.
Teams: Skull Imploders vs. Soft Green Felt
TV: 97 - 110
Handicap: 130,ooogp
Inducements: Bribe
Score: 2-1
Scorers: Orion Gladeguard, t4; Vinny, t6; Erny, t16;
CAS: 1-0
Casulaties: Linelf #13, MNG t6(Dizzy)
Location: Stadio D'Agostino
Gate: 20,000
Winnings: 80,000gp - 10,000gp
FF: +1 - 0
Improvements: none - none
Purchases: Goblin, Apothecary - nothing

Slow & Painful 0 - 2 Hutta Hurta

It was a very sunny day at Stadio D'Agostino, as two teams prepared for some good old fashioned Blood Bowl. The two teams facing off were the dwarven team Slow & Painful, coached by dwarfrunner, and the orc team Hutta Hurta coached by Cramy. This was gonna be a real grudge match between two teams that like to beat the poop out of their opponent.
With the first kick-off, Hutta Hurta opts to receive and the game is under way. Hutta scoops up the ball and surprisingly quickly form a cage near mid field. They make their way up the field, and a large scrum ensues in the middle of the field, with dwarf and orc fists flying everywhere. S&P seemed to be put on their heels easily, trying to keep up with the Hutta blitzers and the strength of the Black Orcs. Then the worst thing for S&P happened, Gargrim Thornspike was injured by the blitzer Wuhaa and had to be carted off the field, never to return this game. Now Slow & Painful would have to play the game a man down. And with that Zuin had an easy time and walked into the endzone unopposed just before half time. S&P didn't have enough time to score before the half was over, so one of the longbeards attempted to foul an Orc as payback for hurting his teammate. Unfortunately, he failed to hurt the orc and the ref caught him, sending him off the field, that is what you would call a really stupid move, folks.
Slow & Painful received in the second half, and had alot of work ahead of them. Marak Ironball picked up the ball way in the backfield and the dwarves prepared to show where they got their name from. Because watching them on offence, they are really slow moving, and it' painful to watch. Surprisingly, the remaining dwarves managed to hold off the orc team and move forward very slowly. In a sudden surprising and dumbfounding move, Marak handed the ball off to Aran Winghelm and told him to make a break for the other side of the field. The remainder of the dwarves saw this and attempted to hold up the orcs, hoping to give Aran a chance to score. But their tactic was seriously flawed, and Hutta easily blitzed the dwarf and knocked the ball free. Then they picked up the ball and made their way for the endzone, with dwarves throwing themselves at the team trying to stop them, unsuccessfully. The dwarves did manage a little victory when Snorri Stonefist killed the migty Black Orc Blocker Graav, and Hutta with no apothecary on their staff yet. With that, the score was 2-0 for Hutta Hurta with little time left in the game for one score, let alone two, for Slow & Painful. S&P received the ball again, but knew the game was out of their hand. So both teams ran at each other full steam and tried to hurt as many people as possible in the time left. Snorri managed to badly hurt Bcad, and Zuin badly hurt Aran.
After the game, both teams got 40,00gp and Wuhaa got a new skill, dodge!?!?! That may come in handy in the future.
Teams: Slow & Painful - Hutta Hurta
TV: 98 - 106
Handicap: 80,000gp
Inducements: Bloodweiser Babes
Score: 0-2
Scorers: Zuin, t7; Palaah, t13
CAS: 2-2
Casulaties:Aran Winghelm, MG t14(Zuin); Longbeard #7, MG t5(Wuhaa); Graav,DEAD t11(Snorri Stonefist); Bcad, MG t16(Snorri Stonefist);
Sent-off: 1-0
Ejected: Longbeard #10, t7;
Location: Stadio D'Agostino
Gate: 16,00
Winnings: 40,000gp - 40,000gp
FF: 0 - +1
Improvements: none - Wuhaa, dodge
Purchases: Apothecary - Apothecary

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Kiss my Flanks! 4 - 1 Gobbstoppers

It was another perfect day for Blood Bowl at Stadio D'Agostino, as the fans packed the seats for another epic battle between Kiss My Flanks! (Chaos Dwarves coached by dwarfrunner) and the Gobbstoppers (Goblins coaches by J. Moffat). This was the first league game for the Gobbs, who moved over from a now defunct league, and the third game for the Flanks! who were on a two game losing streak. The Flanks! fanbase was shrinking faster than a squished Goblin. This was most evident by the fact that of the 21,000 fans that showed up, less than 1/5 were Flanks! fans. With the initial kick-off the Flanks! opted to recieve, and the Gobbs opted to leave their "secret" players off the field until it better suited them.
The Hobgoblin Servant picked up the ball, and the Flanks! began their march down the field. Hazmut started the game off on a good note for the Flanks! by killing a Goblin on the first block of the game, and the Gobbstoppers with no apothecary, OUCH!! THAT'S GOTTA HURT!! The Flanks! started to get bogged down around mid field due mainly the the Gobbstoppers two trolls. While this was occuring the Flanks! Bull Centaur Warmarchine starting running around the Gobbs backfield, hitting ever goblin he could. That is, until the Bombardier knocked him over with a bomb. The Bombardier also managed to get a perfect throw into the Flanks! cage half -way across the field and take out the ball carrier. The goblins were managing to stay alive and hold off the Flanks! forward progress until that point. Once the Flanks! saw their ball carrier getting carted to the dead & injured box, they woke up, and in the next turn took two goblins off the field to the dead & injured box, pick up the ball and move down the field scoring easily on turn 7. This was mainly to the fact that the Gobb's had 6 in the dead & injured box by this time and could barely muster any defence. The next kick-off, the Gobb's coach was furious since he was forced to put his secret weapons for one turn, knowing they would be sent off immediately after this turn, taking away any chance for revenge.
The Gobb's recieved in the second half, but now were down to 2 trolls and 2 goblins. The Flanks! walked all over, around and through them, scoring 3 more touchdown, but inflicting no more injuries. On a positive note for the Gobb's, just before the end of the game, one of the trolls managed to pay attention long enough to throw the goblin with the ball down the field in the proper direction towards the endzone. The massive Gobbstopper's crowd holds their breath as they watch him sail through the air, and stick the landing perfectly, easily running into the endzone for a touchdown. A HIGHLIGHT REEL TOUCHDOWN!! The crowd goes crazy, and the Flanks! players scratch their head in amazement and confusion. "They do know what the score is, right?", says one Hobgoblin to another. "Don't think they care" says the second one back. And with the final whistle, the score was Kiss my flanks! 4 and the Gobbstoppers 1.
After the game, the Goblin that scored skilled up, and the team bought a new Goblin to start rebuliding their ranks. For the Flanks! both Warmachine and Earthshaker (the two Bull Centaurs) got block, and Hasmut, who inflicted 3 casualties this game, got a strength increase and was nicknamed the "Goblin Hammer", after his amazing performance.

Teams: Kiss my Flanks! vs. Gobbstoppers
TV: 98 - 109
Handicap: 90,000
Inducements: Bloodweiser Babes
Score: 4 -1
Scorers: Slave, T8; Warmachine, T10,13; Earthshaker, T16; Goblin #8, T11
CAS: Peon, MG t5(Bombardier); #6 Goblin, MG t7(Earthshaker); #8 Goblin, MG t12(Hazmut);#10 Goblin, MG t4(Warmachine) ;#12 Goblin, MNG t13(Bazrakk);#13 Goblin, NIG t5(Hazmut); #14 Goblin, DEAD!! t1(Hazmutt);
Sent off: 0 - 4
Ejected: Bombardier, t7; Looney, t8; Pogo, t8; Chainsaw, t8
Venue: Stadio D'Agostino
Gate: 21,000
Winnings: 30.000 - 60.000
FF: +1 - 0
MVP: Slave - Goblin #8
Improvements: Warmachine, Block; Earthshaker, Block; Hazmut, STR +1; Goblin #8, Sure Feet
Purchases: Goblin - Nothing